2023 saw a lot of me stepping away from “normal life” The pressure of doing was too much and I craved alone time.
As I look back I can see where this was a physical and emotional need for me. I can distinctly remember my Parents commenting on how much time I actually wanted to be alone.
Why do we think this is abnormal?
Feeling connected is definitely part of being human, but we so often see alone time as abnormal, selfish and even socially unacceptable.
“I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel." - Audrey Hepburn
If we choose alone time we are making a decision to refuel, to restore, to appreciate and see the world without anyone else's opinion.
When we think of people who enjoy solitude, we often think of them as different or weird. We tend to understand life through the lens of our evolutionary experience. Being part of the “tribe” and depending on others in a World that can be at times, harsh. But it doesn’t mean that being alone stops you from being social and I very much appreciate the people in my life and the time we spend together.
There are so many benefits of sharing time and experiences with others.
Increased self-esteem
Communication skills
Intellectual and emotional stimulation and support
The sheer pleasure of engaging and relating with others
Some researchers define solitude as the absence of social interactions. In most cases, this will mean physical isolation from others. However others define it more broadly as not only the absence of being with others but all else that absence affects, such as demands, scrutiny, emotional support, and the exchanging of information and responding with each other.
Alone time provides relief from social pressures that can support us to feel more energised and happy. These periods of time spent alone can also promote independence and confidence in our ability to cope without depending on social support.
As a small child I spent lots of time alone simply playing in nature, as a teenager being alone often didn’t feel as lovely, as social pressures and the need to fit in came creeping. During my recovery from Graves Disease I spent lots of alone time recovering and sleeping, but also walking, cooking, reading and writing.
Despite that time feeling difficult, it was a huge period of change and the solitude was very much needed. It helped me return to those things I loved as a child. My connection to being more creative returned, I listened to music again and explored different books and ideas. I stepped into growth in Spiritual, physical and mental ways. It gave me a release from the pressure of “having to” be social and gave me time to explore my values, dreams and goals without interference or distraction.
“I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.” - Amy Sedaris
In many of my workshops, courses and especially my 1:1 work, I talk and advise about sacred solitude as it supports us to discover deeper parts of ourselves and to process difficult emotions. To not see solitude as a punishment but to embrace and welcome it.
I have particularly benefited from not having a television and choosing the type of films and programmes I want to watch. My phone is forever a hindrance as it connects me to my business to photos and to sharing beautiful things, but we are forever learning.
Growth comes from awareness and witnessing our process.
Do you feel you need more alone time?
Do you feel pressured to socialise?
How does it feel when you are alone?
How could you connect and enjoy your alone time more deeply?
I invite you to explore alone time this week.