Reflections on relationships...
We tend to think of relationships as only with people.
But we are in relationship to all things.
What we see in our outer World is always a reflection of what is happening in our inner World.
When things have gone wrong in my life, I often blamed others for the way things were. And when I see this in my client work, I often comment that the relationships we have with our wider world are simply that, a reflection.
My history shows some perfect examples.
My health.
I had been a ‘terrible eater’
Wouldn't eat vegetables and avoided the big family meals.
As I grew older, I became lazier and ate takeaways nearly every night.
I smoked and I drank quite a lot.
Then hit with an acute inflammation at 17, immediately responded with a "why me?"
My emotional life was no different.
No boundaries.
I looked outside me for affirmation that I was good enough.
Because I was scared of people rejecting me, I never spoke my mind.
In the end I had issues with my thyroid.
Relationships constantly showed me that I needed to look internally for self-love and worth, but the patterns continued.
I used alcohol to numb my emotions, but afterwards always came self-hatred and anxiety.
The not good enough feeling returned with an additional side of more weight, a huge hangover and low self-esteem.
Change finally came with a scare to my health. On reflection, I so often ignored what was being reflected back. Tried to override with more work to build my sense of value and becoming the person I knew I wasn’t, just to fit in with others, to feel loved and accepted.
It amazes me what I was able to ignore and hide within my own body and Soul.
Facing ourselves is incredibly challenging, I personally have not found it pretty, but it has taught me a lot.
To admit it was the relationship I had with myself that was the cause of many issues in my life was difficult. The hardest part was learning to love myself. Especially for the ‘mistakes’ I felt I had made.
It had to be done and I am still doing it.
To heal the relationship, I had with my body.
To love myself enough to know it's ok to say no to people.
To begin to understand what was right for me.
Many of you will have similar experiences.
Maybe you’d like to ask yourself some questions this week…
What relationship do you have with yourself?
What do you need to love a little more?
What do you need to forgive yourself for and release for good?