Lessons and reflections...

The path to healing

This year has been a huge time of lessons and deeper understanding for me. It has, on occasion been very uncomfortable, but as we begin to step slowly in to the conclusion of the year I feel very grateful and settled.

I wanted to share some of the lessons and tools I have used to support me and to offer gratitude for the people who have gently and quietly been angels in my life in 2024.

Why do I share this with you?

Many of us feel broken, guilty and ashamed of our "stuff" and this is what keeps the cycle going and growing. We all have something and, I hope, by becoming more open about my own journey you are able to find some acceptance and peace about your own experiences.

Many of my long term 1:1 clients tell me they chose to work with me because they felt I was on the journey with them, they felt no judgement as they had before. That couldn't make me happier.

Support

The first change I stepped into this year was asking for help. This is not easy for a woman who has, over the years, learned to be hyper-independent.

Many of my clients come to me with the same feeling. "I must do it all myself" - the need to control every single part of their life. Hyper-independence can manifest differently depending on the person:

Over-achieving

Over commitment

Refusing to ask for help

Guardedness in relationships

A struggle to trust others

Stress or burnout

Dislike of “neediness”

There are many underlying reasons for hyper-independence but accepting where you are and learning to be safe in the asking for help is an important part of living a healthier and less stressful life.

Steps you can take

Exploring your identity outside of doing things for others

Understanding the cost of not asking for help

Normalising asking for help and not seeing it as a sign of weakness

Doing an inventory of what it is costing you to not ask for help

Learning how to delegate

As instagram will tell you, "healing is not linear" but what does that mean?

There are no time limits, no scheduled or planned steps, it is a journey of your own and it is unique. The way and the how you do it is your own path and particularly your own understanding of yourself which enables you to become stronger and more resilient. This is why the programmes I offer are tailored to you.

On reflection, every part of me becoming well, physically, mentally and emotionally has seemed guided. From Reiki to IEMT and so my guides seemed to have stepped in just at the right moment too.

This year I worked with an Integrated Somatic Therapist, a Medical Herbalist, a Person Centred Counsellor and SSP - Nervous System and Neural Repatterning Therapy over a 6 month period and longer. This is what I now see as radical self care. Lots of it will continue as I learn to show up differently for myself and in the World.

Some of my own learning has been incorporated into my programmes and sessions to support you. I never use anything in my work that I haven't used myself. SSP has become part of my weekly go to and has brought noticeable changes for my Reconnection clients.

Going forward

I wanted to talk about shame - toxic shame. This is huge and something that has increasingly shown up for me, I have struggled to write about it in the right way, So I will just approach it as it comes...

Shame is highly complex, far more complex than most believe it to be. Toxic shame is more than an emotion; it’s an identity. It’s the most painful experience a human can have.

Shame has had millennia to adapt and learn how to stay hidden. It wears many masks and affects us in so many ways that the very idea of writing anything on shame was daunting.

Shame is culturally dictated. Shame largely revolves around failure and social conformity.

Almost every one of us carries shame in some capacity. Some are riddled with toxic shame to a point of dysfunction - a shame based identity. Others are able to function while suppressing the source of their shame or act it out within their private lives in the form of addiction, compulsion, intrusive thoughts, narcissism; abuse, disordered eating, bullying, and so on.

Healthy shame teaches us where boundaries are, it remains external, we can separate the shame from the internal self. Healthy shame shows us how our actions cause harm to others.

Toxic shame is internal and personal, it sits inside us and becomes us. We receive the message that there is something fundamentally wrong with us rather than something we did.

When shame is our identity, we believe that we’re irredeemable, unlovable; unworthy, flawed, lacking as a human, dark or incomplete. This can result in tremendously harmful behaviour that affects us deeply.

This is only the start of my next piece of learning and of course another course! I am looking forward to a trip to London in March to attend the shame workshop with Carolyn Cowan.

What I am reading

Cath Counihan

on Substack. This woman really embraces the journey of reparenting yourself whilst parenting. Although I am not a parent, her story is so relatable and I highly recommend it.

Embracing Shame by Bret Lyon. This book is a really helpful tool in transforming shame. “While toxic shame can keep us stuck in a self-defeating vortex,” say Bret Lyon and Sheila Rubin, “there is a healthy expression of shame designed to protect us, help us change, and actually build our self-esteem.” I am still diving in but is such an interesting book.

Esoteric Anatomy by Bruce Burger The blurb says this but it is SO much more. "A comprehensive course in the power of energy medicine--drawing on polarity therapy, esoteric anatomy, and somatics--that reveals the vital role of consciousness in the healing arts. Esoteric Anatomy offers a spiritual approach to massage, bodywork, and somatic psychology, demystifying an ancient transpersonal model for understanding energy in nature and working with consciousness in the healing arts. It offers a comprehensive health care system based on understanding the body as a field of conscious energy--a system that promotes healing, health building, and self-actualization."

I wrote a piece once for Elephant Journal in the early stages of my recovery from Graves Disease and I remember quoting a lass who said "I don't do surface" and I rarely do. The books and the learning reflect who I am and my own journey to finding passion and purpose.

I hope this supports you and is my gift to you this Christmas.

If this resonates and you would like to honour your own journey to reconnection and healing then reply to this email or book a call.