"If I could start again it be in the darkness. And in the darkness, all we would see is a hand suddenly extending out toward us. And the invitation would be terrifying. Seeing this hand would compel our heart to start beating, rapidly. audibly. The fear comes from feeling out of control. We want to leave and we want to stay in equal measure. We want to know what might happen next and for everything to remain exactly the same. Taking this hand is choice to surrender. Surrendering it all. All the fear. The hurt. The anger. And the ego that created it." - Meggan Watterson
I read this passage a lot in trainings and in 1:1 work. It's the human condition and it always makes me look back and reflect, notice and observe.
In the recent months there have been many moments of experiencing and feeling everything. All in one go. Wanting to know where I am heading and wanting to stay safe. It has been hugely transformational for me and many others.
In the darkness, there has been light.
In the pain, there has been joy.
In the aloneness, there has been deep connection.
It's been a beautiful healing journey which has catapulted me forward so fast my head is still spinning.
I'm so incredibly grateful for the passage and for the learning. It has shown up in the success of my business and the success of my clients. But as I reflect, this was possibly the most difficult year of my life.
I will describe duality by recounting the experience I had when my Father was passing. Life and death at full force.
We were in a waiting room at the hospital. My niece had just made me laugh out loud and as I was laughing I burst into uncontrollable tears. Laughing and crying and feeling it all in one moment. Life. Death. Dread. Horror. Connection. Laughter. Remembrance. It was everything on one go.
Death truly does have life, and walks with and lives through us everyday. - Nicholas A. McGirr
If I tried to recreate that feeling again it would be impossible. It is only in the experiencing of all life that we are able to hold both of these elements at the same time.
But are we afraid to feel it all? Sometimes life gives us the push we need to step forward and in those moments of looking forward we get to see the past and the future working together. It creates a pressure within us and we are asked to notice it all before we can jump on the next passage.
No pressure, no diamonds. - Thomas Carlyle.
2023 has felt this way. But in that chaos of everything, an amazing change has happened.
I know so many others who have been going through their own transformation. For those of you that are feeling the same.
Hang tight.
Feel it all.
Notice what it offers you.
Notice becoming someone completely new from the person that you felt was completely broken.
There is beauty in the journey and from the darkness there is always a hand reaching out.
Your words are a balm to my soul this morning. They are what I needed to hear (and read). Accepting and letting go are not easy when the choice seems to stay safe. To stay safe too often means we don’t live fully or embrace all of our emotions. I am so very happy for you and grateful that you share your journey. It means I am not alone. Perhaps you are the hand reaching out in my darkness. Am reading Journey Through Trauma by Gretchen L Schmelzer PhD and of many of the books I’ve read on trauma, her take is quite interesting. Wishing you the best of this holiday season. Continue with your healing. You are a beacon for many of us.