“I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..” ― Henry David Thoreau
I am about to share a Confident Practitioner Workshop with the lovely Emmy Taziani. As I was going through the content, I noticed how much I had learned, how far I had come and how confident I felt in lots of areas of my life.
Over the last year I have created awareness around some deep wounds and limiting beliefs and it feels great to look back, especially at Spring Equinox, and give myself some appreciation for some of the work I have waded through.
Confidence is a belief in oneself, the conviction that you have the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed in your endeavours and the willingness and mindset to act accordingly. It requires a realistic sense of one’s capabilities and feeling secure in that knowledge. It’s also an attractive trait, as it helps put others at ease.
It is not an innate, fixed characteristic. It’s an ability that can be acquired and improved over time and usually by experience.
Anxiety often takes hold when we are plagued by self-doubt. This often puts us off doing different things that develop growth in this area and expands our horizons. This keeps us stuck in familiar and uncomfortable territory.
Being confident means knowing that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you’ll face and knowing that you may try and fail. And that's ok.
Cultivating and maintaining confidence isn't easy. It can feel lost when we feel like we have failed in some way or that innately you aren't "good" at something
It's an easy thing to lose when you feel like you've failed or made a mistake. And here was my problem.
I could use mindset and all sorts of affirmations and self talk, but I didn't believe a word of it. Underneath my bravado I was a quivering wreck, I felt undeserving and unworthy. As I faced some of these issues head on, the answers began to fall in front of me.
I still work at it and there are areas of my life where I feel more confident than others but I do my best to not hide away and choose experiences that bring personal growth.
We will be working through some excellent content over the two workshops and this is just the beginning but for now here are some tips that may help.
Comparison
This seems to be more of a thing since social media has grown. Everyone want to be different but still feel the same! You might see someone else's life on IG and think their life is great but nothing is ever as it seems. We are better focusing on the things that are keeping us stuck and seeking support for that rather than scrolling through IG and feeling worse. It's completely natural and normal but try to have some awareness around this. We each have a path to tread, make yours your own.
Notice how the people around you feel. Do you feel uplifted or down? Are they accepting of you as you are or do you feel you need to try hard to fit in?
The people you share time and energy with can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself. If you are questioning your relationships then spend some time alone and reflect on your experiences together. People paly an important role but things must come and go and if it doesn't feel right then it's worth paying attention to that.
Take Care of Yourself
When you practice good self-care, and you know you're doing something for your mind, body, and Soul, you'll naturally start to feel more confident. I often say to my clients that it's not about the image of self- care we see on Social Media. Bubble baths and facials (which are also good) but of parenting ourselves a little more.
Good routine, nourishing food that feeds our mind, body and Soul, Exercise that feels good and pushes us a little. good sleep hygiene and time for rest are what we all needed growing up but we didn't necessarily receive. These are good ways to help your whole self feel nurtured and safe.
Taking care of your body doesn't just mean looking good. When you make yourself and your habits a priority, you are projecting to the world that you matter, which convinces others to feel the same way about you.
Be Kind to Yourself
Try to use self- reflection if things go wrong. Look at the things you couldn't change and let them go. Be honest with yourself about what you could have done better and learn from it. Try not to use it as a stick to beat yourself with as this exacerbates the experience and will keep you stuck in a loop of overthinking and self- criticism.
Face Your Fears
Try not to put things off until you feel more confident. Another training and certificate will not fill the hole.
We all have self-doubt and anxiety in new situations but it's good for us sometimes and builds growth and resilience. The quote "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again" is one that always comes up for me when I feel deflated.
Sometimes the outcome isn't how we imagined or pictured but the experience is always growth. Each time you move forward, you gain more confidence in yourself.
Master the Things You Are Good At
When you do things that you are good at your self-confidence starts to soar. If you have a talent for something and you enjoy it, master it. This mastery builds your strengths and improves you sense of self- belief.
Say No
Setting social and emotional boundaries enables you to feel safer psychologically. It can also help you feel more in control. Self-confidence is, in part, feeling like you have control over your life. If something you are asked to do socially doesn't feel right, politely decline.
Boundaries are what happen when you can sense what you need and want and can access your voice to speak to those things. We all have "limits," and we all experience violations of our limits. Most of the time, people are not trying to violate your limits—they just aren't aware of what they are. Sometimes, this is because we are not clear with ourselves or other people about what we want or need.
Set Realistic Goals
Pursuing your goals often involves failing until you figure out what works for you. This can make you question yourself. Setting realistic goals that are measurable and achievable is a good way to build confidence.
Try writing down what you want to achieve and then ask yourself if this is an achievable goal. Be honest with yourself. Reality is your friend. Then look at timescale and how important this goal is to you. Rate your goals and prioritise them. Over time you'll find some things that were once important fade into insignificance and others rate higher. You may have added some to the list. Things change and progress, try not to hang on to goals that no longer align.
I'll end with a beautiful quote form my favourite mystic
"Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
- Rumi
My best advice is to know and feel you can change things even when you feel lost. When I feel scattered I make a list and then leave it for while. I meditate and journal on it and slowly the answers show them selves.