Christmas done differently...
I wanted to talk about Christmas this week. It is such a fantastic time of year but it's also tender.
It can be difficult for many of us for lots of different reasons.
This year I have decided to spend Christmas alone, consciously.
Many people I have spoken to about this find my decision strange and that is a pretty normal response I find.
So why?
Partly because I have done the big Christmases, I've also done the slow and quiet ones with my Partner and plenty spent in avoidance, working, filling my time with jobs, to do lists, manifesting and total disassociation.
This year I wanted to make it special just for me (and Daisy of course!)
I used to get sucked into to the FOMO of Christmas, the rejection of not being invited somewhere or the people pleasing of trying to be everywhere for everyone.
Skinting myself for 3 months on my credit card trying to buy the best and most thoughtful gift for each and every person and wearing myself out in the process.
Work do's, family occasions, eating rubbish I never wanted to eat, spending money on meals that I didn't want to go to, the list is endless.
Maybe I am reaching an age of more wisdom or maybe I have perfected the art of not giving a f*** or maybe it's just a time for me to rest and reflect, celebrate my wins and grieve for my losses, of which there have been many this year.
I spent a lot of peaceful moments in those chaotic Christmases of old, simply noticing the frost on the window, the twinkly fairy lights on fresh ferns, and observing and basking in the excitement of the children I have had the pleasure and privilege to share those times with.
And those are the moments I remember the most. Truly.
It's a mystical and magical time in so many ways and that goes beyond the lights, the exchange of gifts, and festive meals.
Post Winter Solstice on 21st December we are beginning the slow ascent into the light after the darkness of deepest Winter.
It's a time for going within, no matter how much we want to avoid it. For some this is so incredibly difficult, but it is in this the darkness and silence that we begin to see and feel everything we have explored in the year past. From this point new energy and inspiration emerges.
In rest and reflection we honour ourselves along the journey and those we have loved and perhaps lost.
We spend a lot of our time in distraction and suppressing the darkness within that looms around us at this time. Winter and especially Christmas allows it to rise up to be felt, heard and seen.
It was always within those moments of peace at the party that I slowly found what Christmas meant to me.
Gratitude. Especially for the simple things.
Sometimes simply for getting through the year relatively unscathed, others for surviving at all.
This year I am grateful for another year of learning and growth. Of finding the path true enough to myself to choose to do Christmas and many other things differently.
Gratitude and living authentically are the biggest and best gift you can give yourself this Christmas.
How do you go about giving yourself that gift?
I'm not so sure. Maybe it is an individual journey that takes a little time. Maybe it's just about appreciating and loving yourself enough to choose to live life differently.
What I do know is the answers are never found in the noisiness and busyness of the Christmas party. Of saying yes when you mean no. Or in avoiding the reflection that this season inevitably brings.
Brightest and most authentic seasonal wishes to you all.